Ursula: From Harris Teeter: SweetRiot 70% dark chocolate with QUIRKY...
Ursula: God help me, I will now buy any food that has the word "quinoa" on it for the show. Just so I can give everyone shit.
Kevin: I may be a little drunk.
Ursula: Okay, fuck you already. We are docking them a point for not using capital letters. You are not e.e. fucking cummings. So, all in lowercase...
Kevin: Are you sure it's not being done by one of his descendants?
Ursula: No! You do not get a genetic pass on not capitalising! e.e. cummings could do it! Everyone else can't. I'm sorry. It doesn't make you trendy; "I was using lower caps before it was cool!" No! Fuck you! You're not e.e. cummings, capitalise like an adult.
Kevin: At least she won't be yelling at us this time.
Kevin: Because they didn't put anything in all-caps, did they?
Ursula: No, but they switched-up fonts, once. Oh! There's an EMOTICON.
Kevin: Wow, really?
Kevin: Where's this made? ...Just go through it.
Ursula: New York. No wait! Italy! Made in Italy? But... The company's in New York! I'm confused.
Kevin: Well, this happens.
Ursula: "Everyone has dreams. Mine was just an especially crazy one."
Ursula: Was it the one where you're running desperately through an underground world being talked to by God in the shape of a coyote-faced man, while dark elves come up from below, and you're trying desperately to get up through the top of the corporate ladder into the zaibatsu, and fight off the samurai...? Because I've had that one.
Ursula: ...And the whole world is a canal, built along the sides of a river, and it's skyscrapers made of black metal?
Kevin: ...Okay... Now, we've talked about this before. ...In that, there are scales for normal, that the rest of us use... And then there are the scale we use for you.
Ursula: And then they killed the coyote-god in front of me...
Kevin: It's like when you said that the children could sleep under the dining-room table, because that's what you did when you were their age! ...And I gave you the Look.
Ursula: Look! We were really short on space! The house was packed!
Ursula: "Everyone has dreams. Mine was just a..." questionably... Okay, "especially crazy [sic] one." Uh, that was 'S-I-C' in parentheses, I'm adding that.
Ursula: "I wanted to create a company that would change the world!"
Ursula: That's not that crazy a dream, no coyote gods. "And thus I created SweetRiot!"
Ursula: The problem is, any company that puts "Riot" in their name now is being judged by one standard, and one standard only; and so, every time I read "SweetRiot", I think "Yeah, this has got nothing on Pussy Riot."
Kevin: On what riot?
Ursula: Pussy Riot!
Kevin: Ah, yes.
Ursula: And let's face it, the only good thing to come out of Russia in the last few years is, horrible as it is, is the fact that very legitimate newscasters have had to say the words "pussy riot" on air, over and over and over.
Kevin: Oh! And the best part is, it's almost like they're daring each other; they want to giggle, as soon as they're off the air!
Ursula: I heard Carl Kassell say it on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me! once, I think.
Ursula: "SweetRiot supports Fair Trade, and sourcing exclusively in Latin America, which directly supports a better life for farming families, through fair prices and direct trade."
Kevin: I suddenly feel bad for mocking them.
Ursula: Yeah, so do I. "SweetRiot puts artwork on every package, and celebrates culture and diversity along the way."